There's a trench coat and a tragedy in your future.

While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.

The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.

I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like.

What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?

Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don't walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don't like.

People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn't.

I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.

I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn't hit her.

Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.

It's one of my inventions-a shampoo, " Athena explained. "Anyway, I didn't know it would do"-she gestured toward the snakes-"that.

Make them laugh, make them cry, make them wait.

For lips, I'm into mauves, and I like a little shimmer. I have this Dior lip gloss I love right now called Pearl. It's pink and has shimmer. I don't like anything overdone.

I felt the sort of soaring, ceilingless tedium that transcends tedium and becomes worry.

I want a woman who can arouse my intellect as well as my loins.

Can freedom become a burden, too heavy for man to bear, something he tries to escape from?..Is there not also, perhaps, besides an innate desire for freedom, an instinctive wish for submission?

The way of paradoxes is the way of truth. To test Reality we must see it on the tight-rope.

There is one solution to all of our problems: Teaching our kids clarity of thought and political representation in democracy. That's it.

Nothing in life means anything unless someone cares, and the whole trick is to keep being that someone.

However the world pretends to divide itself, there are only two divisions in the world today - human beings and Germans.