I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn't hit her.

While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.

The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.

I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like.

What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?

Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don't walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don't like.

People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn't.

I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.

I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.

God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married.

Your soul: pure glucose edged with hintsOf tentative and half-soiled tints

...when I see you here amidst all this, I realise that I proposed to a very small part of you. I thought I was giving you a home and a position, but here I see that I am taking you away from so much.

Another remarkable thing about the dead is that they are all ages, preserved at every age you ever knew them, and at no age at all.

Awards are great, as you get to meet up with friends and colleagues from your industry - a sort of reunion.

The dumbing down of America is evident in the slow decay of substantive content, a kind of celebration of ignorance.

Fear can be overcome only by Faith.

I think it's kind of strange when people talk about how hyped-up the movie is. It almost sets you up for a bigger fall.

That's half of what we do our daily lives - we react to our surroundings. Of course, we have to make it entertaining, and we are entertainers.

All we can do, child, is follow our destiny.

There are essential and inessential insanities. The later are solar in character, the former are linked to the moon.