Life is unfair and improv is a great metaphor of that.

I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated.

Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.

The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

Falling in love is a completely transcendent experience. It's like eating pizza-flavored ice cream

Dopamine is a chemical released in your brain and your body when you sleep that paralyzes your body so you don't act out your dreams.

The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is.

I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.

Creepy people do the things that decent people want to do, but have decided are not a great idea.

It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others.

All young people sin, and sin produces discord, repellent vibrations which rifle the concert of life until the strings are gutless and flat. The kicks soon lead to kickbacks.

Sorry, but at first yeah all lie, but you forgot to say that the truth comes from the lies. (Especially for GreenHollyWood)

Physician-assisted suicide and euthanasia have been profound ethical issues confronting doctors since the birth of Western medicine, more than 2,000 years ago.

O God, how lovely still is life!

I prepare mentally and physically for everything I do. I like having to do both, because you submerge yourself into the character and the world and you live it until it's over.

Confess to the misdeeds you cannot hide.

...When we are waiting upon God to bless us, we should stir up ourselves to bless him.

As you get older you realize your parents don't look so dumb - and that you're not as smart as you thought you were.

I like playing all sports, from football to soccer, and I love playing baseball.

Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!