Paul Reiser Quotes

But at the same time that the experience is pulling you apart, it's also bonding you. You have this joint venture! You both made this baby. And that's the thing I still can't get over

The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.

Having a baby dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption.

The jewel in the baby product crown is the stroller. And if in America you are what you drive, then in Parentland, you are what you push.

I'd distract myself until finally it was a combination of things. The show was over and I had time on my hands. I had taken time and played and just relaxed.

And after you've done the acting, there's a lot of places you can put your input - in the editing, in the production of it, in the rewriting of it and so on

Marriage is just an elaborate game that allows two selfish people to periodically feel that they're not.

I always loved comedy, but I never knew it was something you could learn to do. I always thought that some people are born comedians ... just like some people are born dentists.

If a tree falls on your head in a forest and no one hears it, it still hurts.

There was a period where our child's birth was getting really close, and we still had nothing. We were dangerously close to calling him Untitled Baby Project.

A new child in the house is a huge tourist attraction. It's like Disneyland, except there the lines are longer and no one brings casseroles.

The consumer mentality - we like something, what other flavor does it come in? We like that TV show, does it come in a book form? Does it come in a capsule? How about a soup?

And in that time, I lost my dad and had kids of my own. It was like, OK, I get it now. I know what fatherhood is all about. And you look at your parents differently

Middle names are kind of like vice presidents: It's a fine distinction and certainly an honor, but you're never not aware that someone else got the real job.

We have such a long, familiar history with Peter Falk. The minute his mug is on that screen people smile.

A friend told me to listen to my heart. Another friend told me to listen to my gut. Maybe I need an autopsy, because right now my colon is kind of iffy.

Once in a while you get a moment of clarity - an inspiration - and they don't come that frequently.

They're not the sharpest people - babies. So, you must be everything to them.

New parents always sound like hucksters in a pyramid scheme. Anyone who has kids and then gets you to go and have kids gets a check from Huckster Headquarters.

Younger kids, they understand that things aren't so perfect with their father or with their mother.

You know, the fact that every morning you get a script in your mailbox, that's going to stop. All these little pedestrian, mundane things. And the cash.

They don't see that whole pattern. Worm/death. Worm/death. I would catch on.

I'm not smart enough to write about something that didn't actually happen to me. But I couldn't write a space movie if you put a gun to my head.

There's something very refreshing about being on stage.

As you get older you realize your parents don't look so dumb - and that you're not as smart as you thought you were.

The simple combination of letters and sounds you select as a name for your baby can result in a life of carefree coolness or decades of expensive therapy. Hi, I'm Jake versus Hi, I'm... Tapioca

It's not like some movies where you're following a bunch of different stories you can cut around. There was nowhere to cut to. It's these guys. We're not cutting back to anybody else

The most used appliance in our house is my 10-year-old son Leon's Xbox.

You know what? The obvious is obvious for a reason.

Our date-nightrule is no talking about the kids. That lasts about to the end of the driveway.

In the history of life, no good news has followed that sentence ["We have to talk."].

There are two types of people in life - those who get it and those who don't.

Every time I see Peter Falk in the movie I think that would be great. We'd be fun together

Nothing would make me happier if Peter Falk would finally win his Oscar for this. Not just as the writer but as a fan and a friend. It would be so great

I'd never directed before and this movie's too important to me to put in the hands of some guy who has never directed. Even if it's me

In fact, I had the idea because of Peter Falk. I saw my dad watching a Peter Falk movie and something clicked in my head. I gotta go make a movie for Peter Falk and me

Two or three times a week, I drive by the houses of numbers 78-100 just to rub it in.

She kind of reminds one of Helen. There's something very similar about Elizabeth Perkins.

In the original draft I was 27 and Peter was 55 in the script. That's not the same as a guy in his 40s and a dad in the end of his 70s. It's a different point in both our lives.

Upstate New York in the middle of October. You can't get more beautiful than that.

Parents often give middle names just so that later, when they're yelling at the kid, they can drag it out. Henry David Thoreau, you come in here this instant!

Get a good dog. We have not picked up food in the kitchen in 15 years.

He was born early. But he was born within a safe range of premature.

I used to walk into a party and scan the room for attractive women. Now I look for women to hold my baby so I can eat potato salad sitting down.

Happiness is the quiet lull between problems.

And in that time, I lost my dad and had kids of my own. It was like, OK, I get it now. I know what fatherhood is all about. And you look at your parents differently.