I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

The highest form of education teaches us to find the truth by searching with love, harmony, and gratitude.

Follow your feelings. If it feels right, move forward. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.

An immaterial but visible being that inhabited the air when the air was an element and before it was fatally polluted with factory smoke, sewer gas and similar products of civilization.

How few young men realize that their success in life depends more upon what they are than upon what they know. It is self-esteem that has brought the race this far.

Every comedian dreams of hosting 'The Tonight Show' and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people I love, and I do not regret a second.

The yoga of discrimination is only practiced once you have started to go into Samadhi.

Stormy or sunny days, glorious or lonely nights, I maintain an attitude of gratitude.

How does a sesame seed stick to a bun? That's magical. There must be some sesame seed glue out there. Either that or they're adhesive on one side. Peel off the backing, place it on the bun.

The respected intellectuals are those who conform and serve power interests.

On email and the first instance of spam: This is not for advertising! This is for serious work!