Having a 2 year old is like having a blender that you don't have the top for.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.

Blessed are they who seek to learn wisdom.

I just want to show the fans my big smile and play the game that I love.

Keep Darwinian thinking out of cosmology, out of psychology, out of human culture, out of ethics, politics, and religion!

I thought of the infinitely many points that can divide the space between two human hearts.

I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.

I support an all of the above energy policy, so that's not only just Keystone, that's not only just drilling, that's clean coal, that's safe nuclear.

You ever think Charlie, that our group is the same as any other group like a football team? And the only real difference between us is what we wear and why we wear it?

We just can’t stop people from being homeless if that’s their choice.

A war between Europeans is a civil war.