And that's when I realized, when you're a kid you don't need a costume, you ARE superman.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

The devil has not vanished simply because people refuse to believe he exists, no more than God has...

Most institutions demand unqualified faith but the institution of science makes skepticism a virtue.

Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.

They do say breastfeeding is nature’s lipo.

We don't live forever... Our legacy does.

Strawberry fields forever

Who here wants to be a writer?' I asked. Everyone in the room raised his hand. 'Why the hell aren't you home writing?' I said, and left the stage.

Our biggest failure is our failure to see patterns.

The ethic of conviction and the ethic of responsibility are not opposites. They are complementary to one another.

The responsibility that I feel is to do as good a job as a journalist as I can possibly do.