All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

I sat down and knitted for some time - my usual resource under discouraging circumstances.

All knots that lovers tieAre tied to sever.Here shall your sweetheart lie, Untrue for ever.

The essence of love and compassion is understanding, the ability to recognize the physical, material, and psychological suffering of others, to put ourselves “inside the skin” of the other.

The computer is the new fireplace, everyone in the family gathers around the digital hearth for warmth.

At thirteen I began modeling, doing my first television commercial in ninth grade for Pizza Hut.

Long gone are the days when hospital stays and surgeries made up the bulk of seniors annual medical expenses.

Knowledge was inherent in all things. The world was a library.

With stand-up, you can be as freeform as you want to be. You can say what you want, how you want, at any moment without constraint.

I've always been very averse to innuendo, especially sexual. I find it cowardly or something.

I use images as signifiers that point to layers of history, lost communities or a latent collective whispering within a certain context.