Humorous Quotes
It was the living who ignored the strange and wonderful, because life was too full of the boring and mundane.
Not really a party until someone brings the surprise zombies.
I'm more of a dog person. But I admire cats and their ability to take so much while giving so little.
What I like best about the telephone is that it keeps you in touch with people, particularly people who want to sell you magazine subscriptions in the middle of the night.
Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.
It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.
A perfect method of adding drama to life is to wait until the deadline looms large.
This (America) is a land of rich diversity, from the towering skyscrapers of Manhatan all the way to the towering mounds of garbage piled up next to the towering skyscrapers of Manhattan.
Brothers are a blessing for one thing. There is no possibility of any young lady getting unreasonably conceited if she be endowed with them.
Earnest is our dog. She senses instantly that something is wrong, and guided by that timeless and unerring nurturing instinct that all female dogs have, she tries to lick my ears off.
In my experience, you run into trouble when you ask a group of beer-drinking men to perform any task more complex than remembering not to light the filter ends of cigarettes.
He had that rare weird electricity about him - that extremely wild and heavy presence that you only see in a person who has abandoned all hope of ever behaving normally.
He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.
Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses?
"I feel like, like pudding," Iggy groaned. "Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain."
Marriage is like a violin. After the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached.
I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
Cultivate a sense of humour. From a humorous point of view this lunch is rather good.
Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan - Go for the Gold.
Shawn's (Shawn Weatherly - former beauty queen) acting ability is such that she could not convey the concept of falling if your pushed her off a cliff.
Saturday night in Toledo Ohio, Is like being nowhere at all, All through the day how the hours rush by, You sit in the park and you watch the grass die.
Manage by objectives. Tell people exactly what you want them to do and then get out of their way.
The best song lyrics seem to me so artful, so brilliant, so warm and humorous, with both passion and wit, that my admiration is matched only by my envy.
I'm not going to parse the statement. You've got the statement I made earlier and the statement speaks for itself.
But scientists, who ought to know Assure us that it must be so. Oh, let us never, never doubt What nobody is sure about.
The Democrats believe that if God did not want them to raise taxes, He would not have created the Internal Revenue Service.
Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.
There are some people who believe that home is where one hangs one's hat, but these people tend to live in closets and on little pegs.
