Leo Rosten Quotes

The first printed mention of bagels... is to be found in the Community Regulations of Kracow, Poland, for the year 1610 which stated that bagels would be given as a gift to any woman in childbirth.

We see things as we are, not as they are.

I learned that it is the weak who are cruel, and that gentleness is to be expected only from the strong.

What's green, hangs on a wall and whistles? [A Herring]

Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty.

The purpose of life is to matter, to be productive, to have it make a difference that you lived at all-using the talents that God has given you for the betterment of others.

The purpose of life is not to be happy, the purpose of life is to matter.

I sometimes think there is a dimension beyond the four of experience and Einstein: insight, that fifth dimension which promises to liberate us from bondage to the long, imperfect past

A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after they're dead.

If at first you don't succeed, before you try again, stop to figure out what you did wrong.

Courage is the capacity to confront what can be imagined.

Words must surely be counted among the most powerful drugs man ever invented.

If you are going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it.

Extremists think 'communication' means agreeing with them.

Humor is the affectionate communication of insight.

Why did God give me two ears and one mouth? So that I will hear more and talk less.

The writer wants to be understood much more than he wants to be respected or praised or even loved. And that, perhaps, is what makes him different from others.

I never cease being dumbfounded by the unbelievable things people believe.

If a picture is worth a thousand words, please paint me the Gettysburg Address.

Everyone, in some small sacred sanctuary of the self, is nuts.

The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it.

You can learn much about life from a checker game: surrender one to take two; don't make two moves at one time; move up, not down; and when you reach the top, you may move as you like.

Thinking is harder work than hard work.

Satire is focused bitterness.

Every writer is a narcissist. This does not mean that he is vain; it only means that he is hopelessly self-absorbed.

People say: idle curiosity. The one thing that curiosity cannot be is idle.

Where there is too much, something is missing.

Some things are so unexpected that no one is prepared for them.

The only thing I can say about W. C. Fields ... is this: Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad.

First-rate people hire first-rate people; second-rate people hire third-rate people.

When in trouble, mumble.

The fellow who laughs last may laugh best, but he gets the reputation of being very slow-witted.

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer.

Machines certainly can solve problems, store information, correlate, and play games - but not with pleasure.

The hardest part of growing up is learning how to wait

Words sing. They hurt. They teach. They sanctify. They were man's first, immeasurable feat of magic. They liberated us from ignorance and our barbarous past.

Many [of the Americans] polled showed a marked disapproval of the Wallonians, Danerians, and Pirenians. The fact that these minorities were invented by the pollster did not diminish the hostility.

It is not that which is beautiful that pleases us, but that which pleases is is called beautiful.

Her cooking suggested she had attended the Cordon Noir.

The love of money is the source of an enormous amount of good; the fact that the good is a by-product of the selfish pursuit of riches has nothing to do with its indisputable value.

You understand people better if you look at them-no matter how old or impressive or important they may be-as if they were children. For most men never mature; they simply grow taller.

Hope is ambiguous, but fear is precious.

Acting is a form of deception, and actors can mesmerize themselves almost as easily as an audience.

Happiness, in the ancient, noble sense, means self-fulfillment—and is given to those who use to the fullest whatever talents God … bestowed upon them.

For some not to be martyrs is martyrdom indeed.

There was no answer, no solution, no sop, no deliverance. What, then, did I do? I read faster.

Truth is stranger than fiction fiction has to make sense.

First-rate people hire first-rate people second-rate people hire third-rate people.

The purpose of life is not to be happy—but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to have it make some difference that you lived at all.

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad.