Jerome K. Jerome Quotes

It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

People who have tried it, tell me that a clear conscience makes you very happy and contented; but a full stomach does the business quite as well, and is cheaper, and more easily obtained.

A good woman's arms round a man's neck is a lifebelt thrown out to him from heaven.

Opportunities flit by while we sit regretting the chances we have lost, and the happiness that comes to us we heed not, because of the happiness that is gone.

Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it.

They [dogs] never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation.

What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise.

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

If there is one person I do despise more than another, it is the man who does not think exactly the same on all topics as I do.

The weather is like the government, always in the wrong.

It is so pleasant to come across people more stupid than ourselves. We love them at once for being so.

Some people are under the impression that all that is required to make a good fisherman is the ability to tell lies easily and without blushing; but this is a mistake.

It seems to me so shocking to see the precious hours of a man's life - the priceless moments that will never come back to him again - being wasted in a mere brutish sleep.

The shy man does have some slight revenge upon society for the torture it inflicts upon him.

The advantage of literature over life is that its characters are clearly defined, and act consistently.

Life will always remain a gamble, with prizes sometimes for the imprudent, and blanks so often to the wise.

Time is but the shadow of the world upon the background of Eternity.

Splendid cheeses they were, ripe and mellow, and with a two hundred horse-power scent about them that might have been warranted to carry three miles, and knock a man over at two hundred yards.

A glass of wine often makes me a better man than hearing a sermon.

A cat's got her own opinion of human beings. She don't say much, but you can tell enough to make you anxious not to hear the whole of it.

One we discover how to appreciate the timeless values in our daily experiences, we can enjoy the best things in life.

If you are foolish enough to be contented, don't show it, but grumble with the rest; and if you can do with a little, ask for a great deal. Because if you don't you won't get any.

There is no more thrilling sensation I know of than sailing. It comes as near to flying as man has got to yet - except in dreams.

Fox-terriers are born with about four times as much original sin in them as other dogs.

I could not conjure up one melancholy fancy upon a mutton chop and a glass of champagne.

I respect the truth too much to drag it out on every occasion.

I can see the humorous side of things and enjoy the fun when it comes; but look where I will, there seems to me always more sadness than joy in life.

The odour of Burgundy, and the smell of French sauces, and the sight of clean napkins and long loaves, knocked as a very welcome visitor at the door of our inner man.

It is very strange, this domination of our intellect by our digestive organs. We cannot work, we cannot think, unless our stomach wills so. It dictates to us our emotions, our passions.

It is easy enough to say that poverty is no crime. No; if it were men wouldn't be ashamed of it. It is a blunder, though, and is punished as such. A poor man is despised the whole world over.

We drink [to] one another's health and spoil our own.

Idling has always been my strong point.

There may be a better land where bicycle saddles are made of rainbow, stuffed with cloud; in this world the simplest thing is to get used to something hard.

There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do. Wasting time is merely an occupation then, and a most exhausting one.

The world must be rather a rough place for clever people. Ordinary folk dislike them, and as for themselves, they hate each other most cordially.

Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.

Life is a thing to be lived, not spent; to be faced, not ordered. Life is not a game of chess, the victory to the most knowing; it is a game of cards, one's hand by skill to be made the best of.

We must not think of the things we could do with, but only of the things that we can't do without.

Being poor is a mere trifle. It is being known to be poor that is the sting.

I don't understand German myself. I learned it at school, but forgot every word of it two years after I had left, and have felt much better ever since.

But who wants to be foretold the weather? It is bad enough when it comes, without our having the misery of knowing about it beforehand.

I had walked into that reading-room a happy, healthy man. I crawled out a decrepit wreck.

I don't know why it should be, I am sure; but the sight of another man asleep in bed when I am up, maddens me.

Think of the man who first tried German sausage.

Too much of anything is a mistake, as the man said when his wife presented him with four new healthy children in one day. We should practice moderation in all matters.

Conceit is the finest armour a man can wear.

I want a house that has got over all its troubles; I don't want to spend the rest of my life bringing up a young and inexperienced house.

Cheese, like oil, makes too much of itself.

Man, if he would live, must worship. He looks around, and what to him, within the vision of his life, is the greatest and the best, that he falls down and does reverence to.