Humorous Quotes
America was discovered by Amerigo Vespucci and was named after him, until people got tired of living in a place called "Vespuccia" and changed its name to "America"
When I started writing this, I found that I simply couldn't take fantasy seriously, so it became humorous, and continued from there.
Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night. Its like musical chairs except everybody sat down around 1964.
Good wine needs no bush, And perhaps products that people really want Need no hard-sell or soft-sell TV push. Why not? Look at pot.
It's very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.
He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death. I think my boyfriend wants his freedom.
There's a very apt saying in show business: "If you don't go over budget in Paris, you're either very rich or very sick. "
The court is like a palace of marble; it's composed of people very hard and very polished.
The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.
The theoretical broadening which comes from having many humanities subjects on the campus is offset by the general dopiness of the people who study these things.
Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humour: he will always use it in evidence against you.
If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world?
Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.
If you think that you have caught a cold, call in a good doctor. Call in three good doctors and play bridge.
...there isn't often anything in Wagner opera that one would call by such a violent name as acting.
The most colossal display of wise, inspiring, and humorous metaphors ever exhibited in one place.
I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.
Another good reducing exercise consists in placing both hands against the table edge and pushing back.
Averages don't always reveal the most telling realities. You know, Shaquille O'Neal and I have an average height of 6 feet.
The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher.
If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle.
They spell it da Vinci and pronounce it da Vinchy. Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.
My advice to the unborn is, don't be born with a gambling instinct unless you have a good sense of probabilities.
I favor the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and it must be enforced at gunpoint if necessary.
The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it.
I wanted to do an hour-long show, and I wanted to something that was dramatic and sometimes funny and humorous, as well. I'm just delighted to have this opportunity to be a part of this project.
She ran out of her marriage the way a woman can run out of a pair of sandals when she decides to let go and really dash.
I'm more of a dog person. But I admire cats and their ability to take so much while giving so little.
They put me in a holding cell with a black kid and a white kid and a Chinese kid. We're the United Nations of juvenile delinquents.
Thomas has the kind of whiter-than-white boyish grin that makes women's panties spontaneously evaporate.