Humor Quotes
Two-thirds of all preachers, doctors and lawyers are hanging on to the coat tails of progress, shouting, whoa! while a good many of the rest are busy strewing banana peels along the line of march.
And off we go, out onto the highway looking for a little fun. Perhaps a flatbed truck loaded with human cadavers will explode in front of a Star Trek reunion. One can only dream and hope.
Provided that nothing like useful knowledge could be gained from them, provided they were all story and no reflection, she had never any objection to books at all.
Take care of the sense and the sounds will take care of themselves.
I never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result.
The greater part of the world's troubles are due to questions of grammar.
I have never met any really wicked person before. I feel rather frightened. I am so afraid he will look just like every one else.
If things are really overwhelming and you need to talk, you can give me a call at 347-273-2044.
You may not be able to change a situation, but with humor you can change your attitude about it.
She gave me another of those long keen looks, and I could see that she was again asking herself if her favourite nephew wasn't steeped to the tonsils in the juice of the grape.
It's weird, marriage. It's like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their 'other half.
I haven't stopped looking for the good in people. I've just accepted the fact that I'm not always going to find it.
One man is as good as another until he has written a book.
Who knows, my friend? Maybe the sword does have some magic. Personally, I think it's the warrior who wields it.
The thin girl was gulping down one of Richard's bananas in what was, Richard reflected, the least erotic display of banana-eating he had ever seen.
Sometimes I feel like I am on top of the world. Other times it feels like the world is on top of me.
A woman has to look good, but a man—a little bit nicer looking than a monkey is enough.
There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his head, he will hang up the phone immediately.
Sometimes, a word succeeds beyond the wildest dreams of its creators, like a virus sent into the world to infect common speech.
Hespe's mouth went firm. She didn't scowl exactly, but it looked like she was getting all the pieces of a scowl together in one place, just in case she needed them in a hurry.
The Postmodernists' tyranny wears people down by boredom and semi-literate prose.
I know. That sounds like a lie. But Presbyterians know that every so often a lie isn't all that bad, and I figured that this was about the best place it could happen.
Oh no. Don't smile. You'll kill me. I stop breathing when you smile.
You are evidence of your mother's strength, especially if you are a rebellious knucklehead and regardless she has always maintained her sanity.
Things that try to look like things often do look more like things than things.
I've committed to nothing...and that's just suicide...by tiny, tiny increments.
There's nothing more toxic or deadly than a human child. A single touch could kill you.
In the future if my mother tries to shame me with her disapproval, I will let her know in no uncertain terms that I reject her and all of her codependent baggage. I am Codependent No More.
Nothing, save the hangman's noose, concentrates the mind like piles of cash.
The meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it belongs to the conceited. Like me.