Humor Quotes
No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.
I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance - a sharp, vindictive glance.
She'd absolutely adored the library_an entire building where anyone could take things they didn't own and feel no remorse about it.
Common sense is the most widely shared commodity in the world, for every man is convinced that he is well supplied with it.
Ever director has at least 10 bad films in them.
Silly is you in a natural state, and serious is something you have to do until you can get silly again.
Don't get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can't get away.
Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't.
What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
Nobody knows anything...... Not one person in the entire motion picture field knows for a certainty what's going to work. Every time out it's a guess and, if you're lucky, an educated one.
Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy, he thought. For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistable urge to commit murder, and an inferiority complex. Yippee.
If you didn't grow up like I did then you don't know, and if you don't know it's probably better you don't judge.
Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.
What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?
Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
And when we take ourselves too seriously, we are grim about the brothers and sisters, especially the dissenting ones, and there will be no health in us and no healing humor.
My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
You go through big chunks of time where you're just thinking, 'this is impossible - oh,this is impossible'. And then you just keep going and keep going, and you sort of do the impossible.
I quite agree with Dr. Nordau's assertion that all men of genius are insane, but Dr. Nordau forgets that all sane people are idiots.
A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.
Hunters will tell you that a moose is a wily and ferocious forest creature. Nonsense. A moose is a cow drawn by a three-year-old.
If Spiderman was real, and I was a criminal, and he shot me with his web, I would say, "Dude, thanks for the hammock."
There are just certain things that turn my head. It may be a girl's sense of humor, it may be her wit, or her belief system; it could be a lot of different things.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
Next to power without honor, the most dangerous thing in the world is power without humor.
It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required.
