Comedy Funny Quotes

I know that there are things that never have been funny, and never will be. And I know that ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.

If we were truly created by God, why do we occasionally bite the insides of our mouths?

In comedy, though, it's good to get feedback from the audience about what they find funny.

Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!

But the funny thing is, I broke my finger not on set doing kung fu. I broke my finger when I fell down the stairs prior to going on set.

The funny thing about me is I move from genre to genre, but I essentially shoot all the movies the same way.

I remember being fascinated by the very nature of comedy from the age of 10; why is this funny, and that isn't?

If I bring anything to the table, it's the fact that not everybody realizes they're funny. So I just point a finger.

It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

If one official signals Falcons ball and Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson signals Seahawks ball, is it a jump ball?

Here's the funny thing about the world coming to an end. Once it gets going, it doesn't seem to stop.

Comedy's so subjective, and if someone comes to watch, doesn't get it, doesn't find it funny, then fine.

[Hollywood] is obviously so fake, but then comedy is this little carve-out of sincerity. I love it. I get to be funny and do this.

That place is so behind the times, you can't even get AIDS there yet.

It's funny, there aren't too many musicians that also moonlight as studio engineers. There's a few - the really brilliant ones.

I'm Dave Chappelle and I'm a chronic masturbator.

The clocks are all turned forward from Funny Time to Right Time. I always remember, "Spring back or Fall in.

Whenever I do a comedy show I still just read poems, some of which are intentionally funny and some of which are just bizarre. The mix seems to work well.

It's like love making, the foreplay is the biggest part, the same thing as comedy. If you can frame your show in such a way that the funny jokes become funnier.

Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.

I am lactose intolerant, and I always thought it was really funny how people who are lactose intolerant continue to eat dairy, because they like it so much. And I find it not acceptable.

Especially with comedy, you take massive risks because ultimately you're trying to be funny. If you're not funny, then it's really embarrassing and you look stupid.

It's not that comedy has changed in terms of what's funny. For me, it's changed in that sometimes I don't feel my finger is on the pulse.

As I get older, I don't think the world is becoming that funny. Comedy is changing a bit.

It's great if you're funny or if you can dance, but if you are kind and decent, it comes out your pores.

Between funny and witty Falls the shadow

Harry Reid is not funny; he's creepy. Nancy Pelosi is creepy. Charles Schumer is sneaky and creepy.

My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.

I got mugged. And they got my knapsack with my comedy notebook in it. So if anybody see two cholos bombing at the Funny Bone chain, that would be them. Just give me a jingle.

As an actor, when you're doing comedies, you're around fantastic, funny people and you hopefully have a really good time doing it.

I don't want to be a facilitator for other funny people. It doesn't seem smart for me to be in a comedy and not be funny. My spirit can't take it.

Great minds think alike-especially when they are female.

For the first time in my life, I was in a shoot-out. A real, honest-to-goodness shoot-out with a bad guy. And, apparently, we both sucked.

There wasn't a lot of bullshit in my heaven.

Well, first you have to be very, very funny. I have realized that it is essential for a boy to be funny. Otherwise, what is the point in a boy?

He bombarded me with words, of all things, apparently clueless to the fact that the predawn hours rendered me incapable of coherent thought.

Gods, I love it when you talk mathy to me.

Why couldn't you turn into a fireball when we were on the same team!

Comedy is not funny. Comedy is hard work and timing and lots and lots of rehearsals.

The funny thing is, I was never much of a fighter. Better a live coward than a dead hero, that was my motto.

I have a lot of funny friends, though not everyone's funny all the time. Doon Mackichan's my funniest friend in the pub; Nina Conti's the funniest with a monkey.

I don't like John Terry and I never have. He's got funny eyes and he's a cry baby. He's also a Cockney.

And, in a funny way, each death is different and you mourn each death differently and each death brings back the death you mourned earlier and you get into a bit of a pile-up.

I think the first rule of comedy is that it has to be funny and I find a lot of the broad comedy which is sent to me, painfully unfunny.

Bod quite liked crows. He thought they were funny and he liked the way they helped to keep the graveyard tidy.

People don't want to listen to a celebrity tweeting about their charities and shows. That's why comedy writers do well - we put out little funny ideas.

I'm not a broad comedy guy. I've been funny in movies, but I'm not a comedian. I'm an actor who's sometimes funny.

You'll never call him Fifi again.

I'm not a wanderer, which is funny because I'm on tour half the time. I'm a home, hearth and family kind of person.

It was funny, Skip thought, how much attention children demanded the first few years of their lives and how hard adults strove ever after to get their attention.