Dorothy Parker Quotes

Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.

Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.

I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.

If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.

Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave.

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.

I hate writing, I love having written.

If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me.

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.

Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? A: You can't hear an enzyme.

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

There's a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive at a point of exquisite dullness.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

I was the toast of two continents: Greenland and Australia.

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away.

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

I can’t write five words but that I change seven.

Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.

If you looked for things to make you feel hurt and wretched and unnecessary, you were certain to find them.

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, a medley of extemporanea, And love is a thing that can never go wrong, and I am Marie of Romania.

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.

I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money.

Genius can write on the back of old envelopes but mere talent requires the finest stationery available.

A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika.

It is that word 'hunny,' my darlings, that marks the first place in The House at Pooh Corner at which Tonstant Weader fwowed up.

It turns out that, at social gatherings, as a source of entertainment, conviviality, and good fun, I rank somewhere between a sprig of parsley and a single ice-skate.

I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it.

By the time you swear you're his, Shivering and sighing. And he vows his passion is, Infinite, undying. Lady make note of this -- One of you is lying.

Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, can be prolonged to the point where it ceases to excite pity and arouses only irritation.

I like to have a martini/Two at the very most.

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Now, look, baby, 'Union' is spelled with 5 letters. It is not a four-letter word.

You do what you can, and you do it because you should. But all you can do is all you can do.

The cleverest woman on earth is the biggest fool on earth with a man.

Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart.

Telegram to a friend who had just become a mother after a prolonged pregnancy: Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you.

Writing well is the best revenge.