Janeane Garofalo Quotes

Blood may be thicker than water, but it is still sticky, unpleasant and generally nauseating.

To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first.

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

Men are allowed to age. Men are allowed to gain weight. Men are allowed to be quirky looking.

It’s mentally exhausting, feeling bad about something you can do nothing about.

Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.

When I see the American flag, I go, 'Oh my God, you're insulting me.'

The world would be better off with multiple superpowers. When Communist USSR was a superpower, the world was better off.

This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.

Anybody who French bashes just might as well wear a badge that says 'I am a follower! I don't think for myself and I have no idea what I'm talking about.' That would be a French basher.

Red flag of the eating disorder: the muffin. Keep your eye on the ladies with the muffins... and sometimes I'll just eat the muffin top.

I can't wait for the next fad though, and I predict it's going to be Pennsylvania dutch culture, very Amish. It's going to be bonnets and butter churns.

I truly believe a woman's weight is a political issue, and if one young woman out there can see me and not feel crummy about herself, that's a good thing.

It is not crazy to think that powerful people do some pretty horrible things. And maybe they get out of hand. Maybe it just gets away from them. It snowballs.

I guess when your heart gets broken, you sort of start to see the cracks in everything.

Is being an idiot like being high all the time?

To a right-winger, unions are awful. Why do right-wingers hate unions? Because collective bargaining is the power that a worker has against the corporation. Right-wingers hate that.

When I see guys in bars wearing the real fitted kind of Calvin Klein v-neck t-shirts I just want to go up to them and be like, 'Oh, do you work out? Your tricep looks so great - thank you.'

You know, I've had Botox. The woman who does it is very good, obviously. Very conservative.

... being a feminist means that you believe in civil rights and social justice.

I say at this point, for different reasons, Bush and Hussein are both very threatening to world peace and to deny that is to be incredibly naive.

Iraq is a manufactured conflict for the sake of geopolitical dominance in the area.

To combat social awkwardness, I would just act like I couldn't be bothered - that kind of aloof persona or aloof demeanor. It's so off-putting.

When Communist U.S.S.R. was a superpower, the world was better off. The right-wing media is trying to marginalize the peace movement.

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things.

Evil is in the face of every frat guy that ever raised a beer cup and went "whoooooo!"

I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person-as the people in this room will attest.

I think I failed miserably on NewsRadio. I was very nervous because of the caliber of the cast - especially Dave Foley - so I think I did a terrible job.

Without liberals we wouldn't have unions. We wouldn't have environmental protections. We wouldn't have seat belts or birth control or the ACLU! Any of these things!

The handful of corporations that own most of the media outlets have an interest in reflecting establishment views.

I guess intractable right-wing ideologues are my mortal enemy.

There is no way any rational, reasonable person can say that the Bush Administration has been good for America.

I'm not religious anymore, but I think it's like papal infallibility, which is a ridiculous man-made tenet, like what I believe most religious tenets to be, are man-made after the fact.

The media is supposed to be custodians of the facts and watchdogs of government. They have, for the most part, neglected to be either of those things.

As actors, it is our responsibility to read the newspapers, and then say what we read on television like it's our own opinion.

I did not support Operation Desert Fox.

Rejection kills, disappointment only maims.

I got mugged. And they got my knapsack with my comedy notebook in it. So if anybody see two cholos bombing at the Funny Bone chain, that would be them. Just give me a jingle.

Boy, does that give you street cred for years after, if you tell people you were on 'The Larry Sanders Show!'

I don't have a good work ethic. I have a real casual relationship with hours.

People think that you are a nasty, selfish person if you don't want to have children.

Irrational crushes, infatuations, or obsessions. Whatever you want to label it, it's important to reach out to others.

I'm almost 46. You become no longer even regarded in a sexual way. As you get older you're just taken out of that realm. So it's not anything that particularly confronts me very much at all.

Sage advice? If you're drunk, stay away from the phone. You can't get the answering machine message back.

For my stand-up, I always have my notebook with me and if something strikes me, I'll write it down.

I don't know that I would need to be famous as a Middle East policy expert to see that unilateral imperialism is bad policy.

I would have to say loneliness is next to uncleanliness.

I don't know who you're referring to exactly who said, 'What has Iraq done to us?'

You just need an opportunity and then you yourself have to do a good job, and then you hope that people go, 'Oh yeah, I forgot about her.'

You can't have cinema by committee if you're trying to do it well.