You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

When you start loving yourself and respecting your time and energy, things will change. Get to know your worth, and your value will go up.

I'm swimming upstream. Fighting the tide while the happy dead drift past me to the pools of ignorance.

As soon as they were spotted, one of the jerk’s buddies pointed at me and said, “Arrest her! She’s the one who killed Z

I'm not trying to put you down, but even if I did, you'd have nowhere to go.

The physician can bury his mistakes, but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines - so they should go as far as possible from home to build their first buildings.

Jekyll and Hyde, in particular, is such an important novel in terms of suspense and setting a perfect scene for crime

I am not ashamed to admit that I belong to those who fantasize that literature is capable of bringing new horizons and new perspectives--philosophical, religious, aesthetical and even social.

Be open to your dreams, people. Embrace that distant shore. Because our mortal journey is over all too soon.

Wisdom has its excesses, and has no less need of moderation than folly.

Misfortunes one can endure--they come from outside, they are accidents. But to suffer for one's own faults--ah!--there is the sting of life.