Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

College was at the heart of his sentimental imagination.

The voice says, maybe you don't go to hell for the things you do. Maybe you go to hell for the things you don't do. The things you don't finish.

Nothing is so hard for those who abound in riches as to conceive how others can be in want.

To completely trust in Allah is to be like a child who knows deeply that even if he does not call for the mother, the mother is totally aware of his condition and is looking after him.

Teachers, who educate children, deserve more honour than parents, who merely gave them birth; for the latter provided mere life, while the former ensure a good life.

We are responsible for protecting Tessa!

Who fears t' offend takes the first step to please.

Life, after all, should go forwards, not backwards.

War is a way of shattering to pieces... materials which might otherwise be used to make the masses too comfortable and... too intelligent.

When the people fear a government, they're a tyranny. When a government fears the people, there is liberty.