If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

Education stimulates self-study.

Great personal style is an extreme curiosity about yourself.

My child was one of Nature's Tories pitted against a mother who was one of nurture's Lefties: it was no contest.

It's always good to find out what you don't want to do.

In the real world, it is hard to be taken seriously as a woman. Use your brain and be smart about your choices. There's nothing wrong with being a good girl - it's actually very attractive and sexy.

Whatever a theologian regards as true must be false: there you have almost a criterion of truth.

The disease that knowledge brings is arrogance, and the disease that worship brings is showing off

Our first Prime Minister saw a country that would be known for its generosity of spirit. And so it is.

Having day dreams, tonguing you down with, uh, vanilla ice cream. Kissing on your thigh in the moon light, searching your body with my tongue girl all night.

Love of action is not industry.