You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

My arms are too short to box with God.

I never let schooling interfere with my education.

In Northern Ireland, helicopters are not usually used to promote poetry.

Existentialism is possible only in a world where God is dead or a luxury, and where Christianity is dead.

In its current incarnation in my life touring is a lot of airports and hotels and car services and only OK food.

I went in search of a bad person; I found none as I, seeing myself, found me the worst.

Collective human actions are transforming, even ravaging, the biosphere - perhaps irreversibly - through global warming and loss of biodiversity.

Culture represents a novelty in the world of nature, and it could have added an effective, unifying edge to the forces of natural selection.

It was a positive sign that the conversation took place, it's a sign of the depth of the friendship between Australia and Indonesia.

It has been said that the sin of ingratitude is more serious than the sin of revenge. With revenge, we return evil for evil, but with ingratitude, we return evil for good.