You look like a diabetic strip club owner.

While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.

The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.

I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like.

What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?

Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don't walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don't like.

People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn't.

I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.

I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn't hit her.

Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.

Few delights can equal the mere presence of one whom we trust utterly.

To both my parents, the world is a battle for attention, a war to be heard.

If I am not for myself who is for me? And if I am only for myself what am I? And if not now when?

Back when 'social' had a broad definition, you could almost say that Yahoo Finance chat was the first social product.

A Louisiana politician can't afford to let his animosities carry him away, and still less his principles, although there is seldom difficulty in that department.

In our manner of speech, our plans of living, our dealings with others, our conduct and walk in the church and out of it-all should be done as becomes the gospel (Phil. 1:27).

Factory workers are not working for capitalism, they are working for a living wage.

We often reward mediocrity because it is comforting. If they can do it, anyone can do it.

Politics are important but your soul lasts forever. So, you know, you make ... decisions on what you think is right or wrong and then you just go forward.

When millions of tons of angry elephant come spinning through the sky, and there was no one there to hear it, does it - philosopically speaking - make a noise