You know what I hate the most? People that imitate owls.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

He's cheap and cheesy, coz he loves you. If you want to know how 'expensive' he has been, just check his inbox, see how may gals he disappointed for you.

What would America be like if we loved black people as much as we love black culture?

What are we going to do when we get into the temple, anyway? Are we going to fight our way through the Necromancers on our

My personality and nothing from my past would have ever predicted that I would be at the center of a controversy.

The most challenging thing is how to portray someone that is so well known that people still recall him in a very precise way.

In making war with nature, there was risk of loss in winning.

It is so much better to get the right exposure than to have to mess around later with Photoshop.

If the Metro general manager, Paul Wiedefeld, says those extra hours for maintenance are necessary to help fix the system and make it safer, then that gets top priority.

A hundred yards away, Mike Newton was lowering Bella's limp body to the sidewalk. She slumped unresponsively against the wet concrete, her skin chalky as a corpse. I almost took the door off the car.

I find shoes difficult to be ethical about.