Women are like canoes, full of soup. At first everyone is suspicious but then everyone wants one.

People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'

Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.

Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works, because in its own way, it's quite theatrical.

You’re not an adult at all - you're just a tall child holding a beer, having conversations you don't understand...

Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.

I'm quite a compulsive person-I only worked this out recently - I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.

Oh how I hate you. I hate you so much it gives me energy. I have to get up early in the morning just to hate you, because there's not enough time in the day! Please GO AWAY!

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.

I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.

You try various things when you're growing up. I was an attache in the Foreign Service for a while and then I drove a bulldozer, but neither of those panned out for me so it had to be stand-up.

... a man sitting still is alone, often, with the memory of all he doesn't have. And what he does have can look very much like nothing.

In a room with many windowssome thoughts slide past uncatchable, ghostly.

That is what a shadow is, and empty space, a hole in the light. Evil is this - a hole in the goodness of God.

There's talent on the streets, kids with ideas who have stories to tell and never get a chance.

When one looks at the ocean, they can only see that part of it which comes within their range of vision; so it is with the truth.

Love must be the same in all worlds.

It's very personal in its politics, very bitter and very negative.

That's the coolest thing I've ever seen," Puck said. "How cool will it be when it kills us?" Sabrina asked. "Considerably less cool," Puck replied.

I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.