Oh how I hate you. I hate you so much it gives me energy. I have to get up early in the morning just to hate you, because there's not enough time in the day! Please GO AWAY!

People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'

Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.

Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works, because in its own way, it's quite theatrical.

You’re not an adult at all - you're just a tall child holding a beer, having conversations you don't understand...

Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.

I'm quite a compulsive person-I only worked this out recently - I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.

I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.

You try various things when you're growing up. I was an attache in the Foreign Service for a while and then I drove a bulldozer, but neither of those panned out for me so it had to be stand-up.

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

Don’t always deprive yourself trying to please others

What we need now is a nation of great people who live to positively impact others and build enduring legacies

Guilt is only another way of avoiding informed action.

Every increase in your knowledge is a simultaneous decrease. You learn and you unlearn at the same time. A new certainty is a new doubt as well.

Honesty is probably the sexiest thing a man can give to a woman.

I find fame to be quite unnatural. Humans are not built for extreme adoration.

The whole problem is spirituality-not finances. Spiritually strong = welfare strong.

I think the notion of retirement is just a dreadful, dreadful idea and I hope I never have to do that.

I want eternity. I was born for greater things.

To make your life being a writer, it's an auto-slavery ... you are both the slave and the task-master.