The truth is, the family is much more creatively nourishing because you're playing on a full keyboard. Whereas when you're single, you're just playing the upbeat jazzy tunes.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

Whoever holds the keys to house of knowledge, must open the door, for those who search for light of knowledge to enter.

I'll get cast occasionally as sort of the jerk version of myself, and I have fun doing that. But it's really better for everyone if I stay behind the camera.

Even the mood of a lot of people, my dad gets on me a lot because he's like people love answers but I'm more for questions, ask the right questions.

You can't simplify reality without understanding it first.

It is impossible to see the angel unless you first have a notion of it.

Americans are now certifiably insane. They are crazy. They are suffering a mass psychosis. They have lost their own ability to discern right from wrong.

If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go, keep you in my arms girl, you'd never be alone, and I could be a gentlemen anything you want, if I was your boyfriend.

I hate this bizarre policy of protective exclusion, because it effectively writes me off the page.

Few are made better by prosperity, whom afflictions make worse.

It was such a depressing time. I didn't look very depressed, maybe, but it was really dire. I made a conscious decision not to stop, but it could have gone the other way.