The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do" asks the patient. The doctor says "I'm mad at my neighbor!".

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

When you've found another soul who see's in to your own...take good care of each other..and remember to be kind..

You can never learn/improve if you are too proud to accept criticism.

The more you love, the more you awaken the divinity within.

I’m So Delighted to start working on my forthcoming soundtrack … Princess Of The Night … another amazing Italo- Disco hit dedicated to my eternal princess of Wayne Lisa ....

The only reason nice guys finish last is because they think they’ll finish last. You don’t win the race by walking around the starting line saying ‘I’m not going to win this race’.

Division and differentiation are the processes by which things are created. Since things are emerging and dissolving all the time, you cannot specify the point when this division will stop.

There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.

Well, at least I had on underwear

Reading furnishes the mind only with materials of knowledge; it is thinking that makes what we read ours.

He truly sorrows who sorrows unseen.