Texas is killing people in the 73rd trimester.

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

John Lennon said life was what happened while you made other plans. So was death.

Some men never recover from education.

Too long a sacrifice Can make a stone of the heart.

I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

... the possibility of one particular photographer's pictures lying around the corner is never realized until the photographer is there. It's one of the enigmas of photography.

Smart marketing is about help not hype.

The true test of a man’s character is what he does when no one is watching.

Every color I can think of and nationality, we were all touched by Dr. King because he made us like each other and respect each other.

Whatever you may say, the body depends on the soul.

I have met a few Casanovas I like and a few I have not liked - and I hope to meet a few more.