Sometimes I get, "Have you ever thought about doing real music?" I like to think the music I do is real, it just happens to be funny.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

Simply by changing our thoughts, we can sow the seeds of happiness in the garden of our minds.

Here's the thing about dessert--you want it to last. You want to savor it.

Never read a book that is not a year old.

Younger players in this music often turn out to be middle aged; it is not a young music.

EA: Is it the smoke that smells like vanilla? Audience: Yeah. EA: Yeah, they do that to mask the chemicals that are actually killing you.

It’s amazing how much you’re missing in a depressive state until you start to come out on the other side. It’s like breathing again after being underwater for far too long.

The fine emotions whence our lives we mold Lie in the earthly tumult dumb and cold.

God first seeks devotion to Him in the hidden place–worship when no one else is watching.

It was as hysterical as a woman having a hot flash.

If you're going to be called a musicianship, you have to be able to play.