Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork.

Run my dear, From anythingThat may not strengthenYour precious budding wings.

Value of life depends not on your possessions, but on your donation.

Well, the thing about great fictional characters from literature, and the reason that they're constantly turned into characters in movies, is that they completely speak to what makes people human.

I've been good about keeping my nose to the grindstone.

The flattery is nice, but awards don't add up to writing quality songs.

It is not, after all, so very hard to acquire a fortune; the real difficulty is to deserve one.

To us and a wonderful evening of love making.

Ninth graders with machine guns: its hard to make that a happy story.

There are a lot of artists who've said they'd like to work with me. To be honest, I'm not sure there is such a thing as an inappropriate artist. The trick is matching the artist with a story.

Take up an idea, devote yourself to it, struggle on in patience, and the sun will rise for you.