At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork.

her grass seemed greener until a drought cameand cracked the earth beneath you.

Are you hurt?""Absolutely, " I said. "Especially in my everywhere.

If there is continuity in the universe, it is fitting that there should be intelligent beings without bodies which are called angels.

If you can do something with your eyes closed, it is time to try something new.

I juggle a lot of different balls and sometimes I don't know how I manage to keep them all up in the air, but I do!

A lot of the reason my look is the way it is, is because it's really easy to put on a sundress every night if I have to perform - or just wear jeans every day and a flannel or something.

If you despise the mountains you have climbed, you are not welcomed by the mountains you have not yet climbed!

If you love the game, nobody can take that from you.

THE TECHNIQUES OF the Art of Peace are neither fast nor slow, nor are they inside or outside.. They transcend time and space.

There's a film you write, there's a film you shoot, and there's a film that you cut - and they're all different.