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Jenny Lawson Quotes

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Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "[On acupuncture:] The needles are small and won't hurt at all. In fact, they'll feel good. Ha, ha! Just kidding. They feel like needles. Because they are."

[On acupuncture:] The needles are small and won't hurt at all. In fact, they'll feel good. Ha, ha! Just kidding. They feel like needles. Because they are.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "Because you are defined not by life's imperfect moments, but by your reaction to them. And because there is joy in embracing - rather than running from - the utter absurdity of life."

Because you are defined not by life's imperfect moments, but by your reaction to them. And because there is joy in embracing - rather than running from - the utter absurdity of life.




Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "Every time I get scared or feel like I'm not going to be good enough at something, I say that mantra to myself. "Pretend you're good at it.""

Every time I get scared or feel like I'm not going to be good enough at something, I say that mantra to myself. "Pretend you're good at it."



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "When Hailey was born my first thought was that I needed a drink and that hospitals should have bars in them."

When Hailey was born my first thought was that I needed a drink and that hospitals should have bars in them.




Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "It’s amazing how much you’re missing in a depressive state until you start to come out on the other side. It’s like breathing again after being underwater for far too long."

It’s amazing how much you’re missing in a depressive state until you start to come out on the other side. It’s like breathing again after being underwater for far too long.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "So many of us feel like we're misfits until we finally find our tribe - the other people who are are strange in the same way - and suddenly everything clicks."

So many of us feel like we're misfits until we finally find our tribe - the other people who are are strange in the same way - and suddenly everything clicks.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "But really, what else are you going to talk about in line at the liquor store? Childhood trauma seems like the natural choice, since it’s the reason why most of us are in line there to begin with."

But really, what else are you going to talk about in line at the liquor store? Childhood trauma seems like the natural choice, since it’s the reason why most of us are in line there to begin with.




Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "High School Is Life’s Way of Giving You a Record Low to Judge the Rest of Your Life By)"

High School Is Life’s Way of Giving You a Record Low to Judge the Rest of Your Life By)



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "If you enjoyed high school, you were probably a psychopath or a cheerleader. Or possibly both."

If you enjoyed high school, you were probably a psychopath or a cheerleader. Or possibly both.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "Meanwhile, I was doodling pictures of vampiric cougars."

Meanwhile, I was doodling pictures of vampiric cougars.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "It's funny because the most sane women I've ever met are my mom and my grandmothers. I think you have to be incredibly sane and self-aware to function in relatively insane environments."

It's funny because the most sane women I've ever met are my mom and my grandmothers. I think you have to be incredibly sane and self-aware to function in relatively insane environments.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "A hug is like a strangle you haven't finished yet."

A hug is like a strangle you haven't finished yet.




Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "I try to be appreciative of what I have instead of bitter about what I’ve lost."

I try to be appreciative of what I have instead of bitter about what I’ve lost.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "One ox, two oxen. One fox, two foxen."

One ox, two oxen. One fox, two foxen.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "Writing is my therapy. In addition to my real therapy. God knows where I'd be without it. I'd probably still be at my last job, working in HR at a religious organization. I was horribly miscast."

Writing is my therapy. In addition to my real therapy. God knows where I'd be without it. I'd probably still be at my last job, working in HR at a religious organization. I was horribly miscast.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "I'm pretty sure 'ferral cats' is code for 'vampire cougars."

I'm pretty sure 'ferral cats' is code for 'vampire cougars.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn't actually exist anymore? Someplace that exists only in your mind?"

Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn't actually exist anymore? Someplace that exists only in your mind?



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "Like books, the Internet has saved my life. It helped me recognize that so many people I adore suffer from the same things I do."

Like books, the Internet has saved my life. It helped me recognize that so many people I adore suffer from the same things I do.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "A friend is someone who knows where all your bodies are buried. Because they're the ones who helped you put them there." And sometimes, if you're really lucky, they help you dig them back up."

A friend is someone who knows where all your bodies are buried. Because they're the ones who helped you put them there." And sometimes, if you're really lucky, they help you dig them back up.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "...and whenever I had menstral cramps, I could just pretend that Voldemort was close."

...and whenever I had menstral cramps, I could just pretend that Voldemort was close.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "I had no idea how complicated and solitary it could be to write a simple book."

I had no idea how complicated and solitary it could be to write a simple book.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "A house should look lived in, and I consider it clean as long as I don't stick to it and it doesn't give me cholera."

A house should look lived in, and I consider it clean as long as I don't stick to it and it doesn't give me cholera.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "I am the Wizard of Oz of housewives (in that I am both "Great and Terrible" and because I sometimes hide behind the curtains"

I am the Wizard of Oz of housewives (in that I am both "Great and Terrible" and because I sometimes hide behind the curtains



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "Dissension is healthy, even when it gets loud."

Dissension is healthy, even when it gets loud.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "YOU are using a frisbee as a plate." "Uh, what? I'm not using a--oh hang on, this is a frisbee. Weird." Victor glared at me. "Dude, calm down, I'll wash it afterward. It's probably dishwasher safe."

YOU are using a frisbee as a plate." "Uh, what? I'm not using a--oh hang on, this is a frisbee. Weird." Victor glared at me. "Dude, calm down, I'll wash it afterward. It's probably dishwasher safe.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "When I'm blogging, I think book writing is easier and vice versa. Writing is lonely work, and the good thing about blogging is that you have immediate feedback from commenters."

When I'm blogging, I think book writing is easier and vice versa. Writing is lonely work, and the good thing about blogging is that you have immediate feedback from commenters.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "Writing about my illness put me into places. It was very triggering. I had to completely remove myself and practice self-care. I learned to be patient."

Writing about my illness put me into places. It was very triggering. I had to completely remove myself and practice self-care. I learned to be patient.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "I very much own the fact that I'm a misfit. The Internet makes everyone realize they're screwed up."

I very much own the fact that I'm a misfit. The Internet makes everyone realize they're screwed up.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "Some people we define as trolls are just critics. Sometimes they have a point. And I hear them. But for the ones who comment "I want to kill you in your sleep," I respond to them too."

Some people we define as trolls are just critics. Sometimes they have a point. And I hear them. But for the ones who comment "I want to kill you in your sleep," I respond to them too.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "When I was little, my father used to sell guns and ammo at a sporting goods store, but I always told everyone he was an arms dealer, because it sounded more exciting."

When I was little, my father used to sell guns and ammo at a sporting goods store, but I always told everyone he was an arms dealer, because it sounded more exciting.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "Knock-knock, motherfucker."

Knock-knock, motherfucker.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "If you could hear the insane stuff going on in my head, it would scare the hell out of you. Probably. Or fascinate you. Depends on how easily you're startled, I guess."

If you could hear the insane stuff going on in my head, it would scare the hell out of you. Probably. Or fascinate you. Depends on how easily you're startled, I guess.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "...you are defined not by life's imperfect moments, but by your reaction to them."

...you are defined not by life's imperfect moments, but by your reaction to them.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "A friend is someone who knows where all your bodies are buried. Because they're the ones who helped you put them there."And sometimes, if you're really lucky, they help you dig them back up."

A friend is someone who knows where all your bodies are buried. Because they're the ones who helped you put them there."And sometimes, if you're really lucky, they help you dig them back up.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "Even the ugliest person's cellulite is more attractive than the most beautiful supermodel's lower intestine.' I'd put that on a T-shirt but probably Mark Twain already said it."

Even the ugliest person's cellulite is more attractive than the most beautiful supermodel's lower intestine.' I'd put that on a T-shirt but probably Mark Twain already said it.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "Brains are like toddlers. They are wonderful and should be treasured, but that doesn't mean you should trust them to take care of you in an avalanche or process serotonin effectively."

Brains are like toddlers. They are wonderful and should be treasured, but that doesn't mean you should trust them to take care of you in an avalanche or process serotonin effectively.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "Brains are like toddlers. They are wonderful and should be treasured, but that doesn’t mean you should trust them to take care of you in an avalanche or process serotonin effectively."

Brains are like toddlers. They are wonderful and should be treasured, but that doesn’t mean you should trust them to take care of you in an avalanche or process serotonin effectively.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "I am furiously happy. It's not a cure for mental illness...it's a weapon, designed to counter it. It's a way to take back some of the joy that's robbed from you when you're crazy."

I am furiously happy. It's not a cure for mental illness...it's a weapon, designed to counter it. It's a way to take back some of the joy that's robbed from you when you're crazy.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "Even when everything's going your way you can still be sad. Or anxious. Or uncomfortably numb. Because you can't always control your brain or your emotions even when things are perfect."

Even when everything's going your way you can still be sad. Or anxious. Or uncomfortably numb. Because you can't always control your brain or your emotions even when things are perfect.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn'tactually exist anymore? Someplace that exists only in yourmind?"

Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn'tactually exist anymore? Someplace that exists only in yourmind?



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "Or the woman in front of me in the security line who asked if they would put her cat, Dave, through the luggage X-ray machine because she wanted to see if he'd eaten a necklace."

Or the woman in front of me in the security line who asked if they would put her cat, Dave, through the luggage X-ray machine because she wanted to see if he'd eaten a necklace.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "Which sort of shows why my body is an idiot, because forced narcolepsy is pretty much the worst defense ever."

Which sort of shows why my body is an idiot, because forced narcolepsy is pretty much the worst defense ever.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "I know that I'm crazy. And that has made all the difference." From: Furiously Happy: A funny book about horrible things."

I know that I'm crazy. And that has made all the difference." From: Furiously Happy: A funny book about horrible things.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "It was nice to call my parents and proudly tell them, "My lady garden is going viral." In hindsight, that may have been a poor choice of phrasing."

It was nice to call my parents and proudly tell them, "My lady garden is going viral." In hindsight, that may have been a poor choice of phrasing.




Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "It's okay to keep a broken oven in your yard as long as you call it art."

It's okay to keep a broken oven in your yard as long as you call it art.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "Lady, you have the wrong number. Our cat isn't even in the hospital. He doesn't want pajamas."

Lady, you have the wrong number. Our cat isn't even in the hospital. He doesn't want pajamas.



Jenny  Lawson Quotes: "Refrigerators are good for keeping homemade moonshine less gross. Freezers are good for keeping rattlesnakes less angry. Garages are good to hide in when your wife finds either."

Refrigerators are good for keeping homemade moonshine less gross. Freezers are good for keeping rattlesnakes less angry. Garages are good to hide in when your wife finds either.