It took me awhile to learn the rules. OK, it took the librarian in me weeks of careful obsessive research to learn the rules. There was a label maker involved. I'd rather not go into it.

Does Hallmark make a “Sorry I tried to drink your blood and touched you in a vaguely inappropriate manner” card? I settled for “How much do you remember?

My grandma Ruthie, Jettie's sister, had been married four times, so many times I started calling every old man I saw at the grocery store Grandpa.

Misery, thy name is Mudslide

Are you going to answer my questions, or do I have to whack you with a stick until delicious candy surprises fall out?

Zeb was kindergarten teacher--a good one. I always thought it was because he was the same emotional age as his students.

Leaving knots untied and scattering seeds to distract them will only work on vampires with OCD.

I grabbed my purse, which was conveniently place by the front door. Gabriel was such a considerate abductor/host. He even left the front door unpadlocked.

Idiot, " I said, before grinning broadly and crushing his mouth to mine. "We need to pick new pet names for each other, " he muttered as I hefted myself up from the ground.

She's your mother. I asked, Plus, you do look a bit like her. When you're angry, you both get these tense lines around your mouth...Look, there they are.

Besides, my drinking blood's not nearly as weird as that time I caught you shaving your legs.""I was curious!

What did she care what became of this world when her loved ones were dead and gone?

Beer bottles, whiskey bottles, brown glass, green. They fell to the lawn and I'd feel serene. Adam was king to my stilted queen.

It's easiest to write songs when I'm either really in love or really mad at a guy. It's just always best when I'm feeling superemotional.

That there needed neither art nor science for going to GOD, but only a heart resolutely determined to apply itself to nothing but Him, or for His sake, and to love Him only.

There is a word, in a verb, something sacred which forbids us from using it recklessly. To handle a language cunningly is to practice a kind of evocative sorcery.

If you watch cooking shows on cable, they have lots of British people. Because when you think good cooking, you immediately think Britain.

Usually, when Nirvana made music, there wasn't a lot of conversation. We wanted everything to be surreal. We didn't want to have some contrived composition.

I was so keen to become a comedian that actually doing the comedy itself almost came second.

I work in a strange business, and trust is a word that's not even in the vocabulary.

Ask for what you want, but be willing to take what God gives you. It may be better than what you asked for.