If you want to drink, have a drink... if you want to drive, then drive... there's nothing worse than having a smash sober.

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

We used to sleep five to a bed and three of them used to wet the bed. I learnt to swim before I could walk.

I've got cheekier with age. You can get away with murder when you're 71 years old. People just think I'm a silly old fool.

I'm not saying my mother-in-law is fat - because she is of reasonable size, and I care about her and her self-image.

I once got sacked for laughing ... mind you, I was driving a hearse at the time.

Uncyclopedia isn't funny anymore.

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a a note on it saying, toys not included.

His insights have come to him through a crack in the veneer of civilization, which was also a crack in his own soul. He had the courage to look in this direction.

You always do good ones. We trust you, Mr. Duke, " Says Dylan. Foolish lads, thinks Felix: never trust a professional ham.

The law is a sort of hocus-pocus science.

It's entertaining to watch somebody break my music down or explain what he thinks I was thinking during the process of making these records. Because... he has no idea.

Golf is something I love. It's been a part of my family's history.

I'm a firm believer of wine.

Our economy is broken. I'm not a politician, but neither is Donald Trump. He is a builder, and it's time to rebuild America.

My dad sent Frank Sinatra a dollar bill to autograph, and when it came back, signed, he had it framed: it was always up on the wall in whatever flat we were in.

Hell is full of good intentions.

The miracles of Christ were studiously performed in the most unostentatious way. He seemed anxious to veil His majesty under the love with which they were wrought.