I once got sacked for laughing ... mind you, I was driving a hearse at the time.

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

We used to sleep five to a bed and three of them used to wet the bed. I learnt to swim before I could walk.

I've got cheekier with age. You can get away with murder when you're 71 years old. People just think I'm a silly old fool.

If you want to drink, have a drink... if you want to drive, then drive... there's nothing worse than having a smash sober.

I'm not saying my mother-in-law is fat - because she is of reasonable size, and I care about her and her self-image.

Uncyclopedia isn't funny anymore.

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a a note on it saying, toys not included.

This is how women are trained to stay indoors, she thought, the idea echoing in her mind like a gravesong. This is how women are trained not to act.

Music never dies. Do we really need another Madonna tour? Does she have to compete with women performers 25 years her junior?

The real fault is to have faults and not amend them.

The way my life's structured, I don't stay in a place for more than a couple months.

Quiet people keep thier secrets to themselves. That's what makes them interesting...and usually worth the wait.

A man can lose sight of everything else when he's bent on revenge, and it ain't worth it.

But the Promise showed their wildest dreams had simply not been wild enough.

Our rejection of the occupier at heart is resistance.

Nigeria is a West African nation of over 100 million energetic people. It is endowed with lots of natural resources but lacks human resources.

I'm actually more confident when I'm tan.