I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a a note on it saying, toys not included.

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

We used to sleep five to a bed and three of them used to wet the bed. I learnt to swim before I could walk.

I've got cheekier with age. You can get away with murder when you're 71 years old. People just think I'm a silly old fool.

If you want to drink, have a drink... if you want to drive, then drive... there's nothing worse than having a smash sober.

I'm not saying my mother-in-law is fat - because she is of reasonable size, and I care about her and her self-image.

I once got sacked for laughing ... mind you, I was driving a hearse at the time.

Uncyclopedia isn't funny anymore.

I don’t care about losing people who don’t wanna be in my life anymore. I’ve lost people who meant the world to me and I’m still doing just fine.

One cannot have any respect or regard for men who take the position of the reformer and then refuse to see the logical consequences of that position, let alone following them out in action.

I always wanted to do a deal with Russell Simmons, and now I've got my signature on a piece of paper with his.

How did you go bankrupt?" Two ways. Gradually, then suddenly.

You know, back in my days they used Bayer aspirin for contraception. The gals put it between their knees and it wasn't that costly.

A person's self-esteem has nothing to do with how she looks.

Nothing puts things in perspective as quickly as a mountain.

There are disasters that are entirely manmade, but none that are entirely natural.

There is nothing that means more to a woman than a love she can count on.

If God created us in his own image, we have more than reciprocated.