I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

We used to sleep five to a bed and three of them used to wet the bed. I learnt to swim before I could walk.

I've got cheekier with age. You can get away with murder when you're 71 years old. People just think I'm a silly old fool.

If you want to drink, have a drink... if you want to drive, then drive... there's nothing worse than having a smash sober.

I'm not saying my mother-in-law is fat - because she is of reasonable size, and I care about her and her self-image.

I once got sacked for laughing ... mind you, I was driving a hearse at the time.

Uncyclopedia isn't funny anymore.

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a a note on it saying, toys not included.

Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility. I chose honest arrogance and have seen no occasion to change.

We are rarely proud when we are alone.

At dawn the waves looked like mountain ranges tipped with gold as sunbeams slanted low under burgundy clouds.

I love to go get fireworks, even though some of them are illegal.

New tech almost always looks dumb right before it completely changes your life.

I believe that as much as you take, you have to give back. It's important not to focus on yourself too much.

Firmness is great; persistency is greater.

Everybody makes honest mistakes, but there's no such thing as an honest cover-up.

I only listen to my own music when I'm playing an hour-and-half set each night. I don't put it on recreationally.

Reputation is generally proof of how little one knows about a person.