I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

The hour of our release draws near.

There is a sacred duty, which you are divinely gifted to performed.

The only answer in this life, to the loneliness we are all bound to feel, is community.

We have been through this biennial convulsion four or five different times over the past 10 or 12 years, and now it appears that we are going through this quiet agony all over again.

Self-respecting men and women think about the consequences of their actions-and are willing to take responsibility for them.

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

I even have a Harmony Rocket and a Stratocaster with a scalloped neck back in Florida.

I've never been trained as an actor. I'm no Phillip Seymour Hoffman or Johnny Depp.

You don't want to get stuck with a record that you've done with someone that you feel obligated to put out - that's not really dope, just because you made an effort to get together and work.

The great thing about Gospel is that you don't have to have an album every year in order to keep working.