I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

Molly: So how do you think of Bryce Hamilton crowd so far? Boys hot enough for you?Bethany: I wouldn't say hot. Most of them seem to have a normal body temperature.

Create/add value to your life on a daily basis

CUSTOMER (to her friend): What's this literary criticism section? Is it for books that complain about other books?

The school system only recognizes one type of intelligence. There are so many different types of intelligence.

Initially there's absolutely nothing.

One does one's thinking before one knows what one is to think about.

Having a dream is what keeps you alive. Overcoming the challenges makes life worth living.

People with fertility problems are not alone. It is a very very common problem for couples today. I've seen statistics that are just staggering.

This is what Donald Trump understands. This is the trade deficit. We run a trade deficit of close to $800 billion a year.

Beyoncé is musically why I do what I do. She's an inspiration, she's incredible. I just love her.