I touched an Oscar once. Friend of mine has one, for writing. As soon as I touched it, he said, Now you'll never win one.

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.

I just want to do cool stuff.

Once I found out how much an Off-Off-Broadway actor makes, I was whoring myself out the next day.

I learned more about elections on election night 2000 than I ever did during my 16 years of schooling.

I have a wife and two daughters; people who depend on me. Everything is more important than it was when I was 20. But now I'm like, "Eh, I made it this far."

I want to manufacture a feud.

If anything, there's more at stake when you're older, and more responsibility and more legitimate things to worry about.

I get all of my comedy from CNN.

I don't like gadgets for their own sake. I like gadgets that are tools. And I like simple gadgets that do one thing really well like a hammer.

I have to stay true to myself.

[O]nce demagogy and falsehoods become routine, there isn’t much for the political journalist to do except handicap the race and report on the candidate’s mood.

ONLY' having the Gift, people appreciate this madness as Art. Everybody wants to have Art in their lives, but no body wants to have what the Art came out from in their lives...

We are greater than the sum of our individual ambitions

...it is the greatest achievement of a teacher to enable his students to surpass him.

God really meant it when He said, 'Seek FIRST the kingdom of God.'

Hitler will live forever; and maybe I will.

For listening to the stories of others ... is a kind of water that breaks the fever of our isolation. If we listen closely enough, we are soothed into remembering our common name.

Life is not a popularity contest. Take the hill, but first answer the question: What is my hill?.

A man is a god in ruins.

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.