I want to manufacture a feud.

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.

I just want to do cool stuff.

Once I found out how much an Off-Off-Broadway actor makes, I was whoring myself out the next day.

I learned more about elections on election night 2000 than I ever did during my 16 years of schooling.

I have a wife and two daughters; people who depend on me. Everything is more important than it was when I was 20. But now I'm like, "Eh, I made it this far."

If anything, there's more at stake when you're older, and more responsibility and more legitimate things to worry about.

I get all of my comedy from CNN.

I don't like gadgets for their own sake. I like gadgets that are tools. And I like simple gadgets that do one thing really well like a hammer.

I have to stay true to myself.

Ethanol is, in its pure form, just as much of a sham as oil.

Just as love makes you blind so does wealth, and of the two blindnesses wealth is the worse because of the incalculable harm it is able to do to people other than yourself.

It was only high school after all, definitely one of the most bizarre periods in a person’s life. How anyone can come through that time well adjusted on any level is an absolute miracle.

Bethyl Ann has vomited words like she ate the dictionary.

The fact is, I need God to help me love God. And if I need His help to love Him, a perfect being, I definitely need His help to love other, fault-filled humans.

Yeah, I tell them to change the channel if they see some guy in a brown suit with a telephone number at the bottom of the screen asking for money.

I have no designs on society, or nature, or God. I am simply what I am, or I begin to be that. I live in the present. I only remember the past, and anticipate the future. I love to live.

Charity isn't a good substitute for justice.

Two points of danger beset mankind; namely, making sin seem either too large or too little.

Prayer is the key that unlocks all the storehouses of God's. . .grace and power.

Don't mistake routine for commitment, just showing up is not enough.