I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

Forget being turned on. This man, this kiss, encompassed everything she ever wanted.

Just find what works for you, what style suits you best, and just be confident enough to rock it.

Political advice is a bit like your average Christmas fruitcake: something everyone gives and no one wants.

That absolute pure honesty of the horse, man that's just the greatest thing there is

You always want to get at-bats. You always want to contribute.

God put laws into being - we put them into motion.

You can't predict tomorrow. And because you can't predict tomorrow, you have to be realistic with what you have today. It doesn't mean don't enjoy yourself but enjoy yourself at the right time.

...until the Crusades Islam was indistinguishable from Judaism and... only then did it receive its independent character, while Muhammad and the first Caliphs are mythical figures.

Willingness opens the doors to knowledge, direction, and achievement. Be willing to know, be willing to do, be willing to create a positive result. Be willing, especially, to follow your dream.

A college education should equip one to entertain three things: a friend, an idea and oneself.