I don’t believe for a second that weightlifting is a sport. They pick up a heavy thing and put it down again. To me, that’s indecision.

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

I have a horrible memory and I used to consider that a liability, but I've learned along the way that talking to people is really a beautiful thing.

I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

I got my dog three years ago because I was drunk in a pet store. We had nine cats at the time. The cats started hiding the alcohol after that.

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas

Remember when you were considered an environmentalist when you didn't throw junk out the car window? I sure do miss that simpler, happier time.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.

I have terrible short-term memory loss, which I like to think of as Presidential eligibility.

If you can't bite don't show your teeth.

Send anyone you want, but don't send anyone you want back.

When everyone agrees, someone is not thinking.

You know it's time for a New Year's resolution to lose weight when you step on a talking scale and it says, "One at a time, please.

No confirmed satyagrahi is dismayed by dangers, seen or unseen, from his opponent's side.

There is an incompatibility between literary creation and political activity.

Devotion is love overflowing. Even when there is nobody, it is overflowing - to things, to tables, to chairs, to walls. It is just overflowing, it is not a question of to whom.

I might even end up a rock and roll god, it might turn into a steady job.

I am used to hear bad men misuse the name of God, yet God exists.

There should be a stated day for commemorating the birthday of our Savior, because there is danger that what may be done on any day, will be neglected.