You know it's time for a New Year's resolution to lose weight when you step on a talking scale and it says, "One at a time, please.

By puberty I learned that nothing worth having could be easily attained and to succeed one must be single minded.

As long as we prioritize material truths over spiritual truths we will live in tyranny because we are living an illusion

You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from the idea that people are watching you.

The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.

People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare.

I get fixated when I'm bleeding -- I can see why they went in for blood-letting in the medieval times because it makes you feel a bit better. When I cut myself, the drama of it calms me down.

A library doesn't need windows. A library is a window.

There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.

The bad-boy label is just an assumption.

There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.

You don't need to have the whole world in your hands in order to live a very fulfilled life.

Under most conditions, the best roof for your bedroom is the sky. This commonsense arrangement saves weight, time, energy, and money.

I guess in a way I try to avoid being labeled as a traditional DJ.

I don't know how many serious Christians exist here in America, but the Japanese, the younger generation is leaving the Buddhist religion mentality behind.

I love my little overgrown yard. And my house is wonderful. It's everything that I need.

Every team has kind of a style or adjectives people use to describe the game that the team plays.

That he loved her was his life’s greatest grace—that she loved him was a burden and mystery beyond compare.

If you must be without one, be without the strategy.