Artists are always looking for new things and fresh ground and fresh air. If it feels new to me, there's a chance it'll feel new to the audience and we'll have found something.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

That's the problem with revealing true truths. They make people uncomfortable. The truth should be grand and exotic, but mostly it isn't. Mostly it's uncomfortable.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

If you can't read, it's going to be hard to realize dreams.

The post office actually achieves its mission. I wish we could say the same of the CIA.

It's in an inland sea that the river of my life ended.

You were never poor as long as you had something to love.

So when Jesus says "Love your enemies," he is setting forth a profound and ultimately inescapable admonition.

History will tell the story, America will always stand.

When some people retire, it's going to be mighty hard to be able to tell the difference.

Some socks are loners They can't live in pairs.