A song without a hook is like a train without rails. It skitters all over the place, bangs into everything. Boom! Crash! There goes Grand Central Station. Crushed by a train.

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.

I would just like to say that after all these years of heavy drinking, bright lights and late nights, I still don't need glasses. I drink right out of the bottle.

If you subtracted all of the great artists who never drank, who never went to excess, you wouldn't have any more art left. What kind of poem are you gonna get out of a glass of iced tea?

The perfect woman has an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, then turns into a pizza!

When I die, sprinkle my ashes over the 80's.

I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults.

Remember, life is just a game and no one gets out alive

If you want to split a bottle with a friend, then Sammy Hagar is your guy. If you want to split your friend with a bottle than give me a call.

If you put a Van Halen album in your record collection, it will melt all the rest of your records.

Part-time effort, won't yield full-time results

Regrets are a waste of time and waste of time brings about regrets. It's the best ironic cycle after life and death!

I'm brilliant as well as skilled, " he said modestly. "It's a great burden, all of that on top of my angelic good looks. But I try to soldier on as best I can.

I know LSD; I don't need to take it anymore. Maybe when I die, like Aldous Huxley.

I'm not interested in playing characters who see the world through my prism. I think the journey of understanding any character is to see how they tick and how they differ from you.

I'll be 50 years old tomorrow and that means, among other things, that now Bob Dole can start telling jokes about me.

The wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings. Let food be your medicine.

To me, we're marketing hope.

As the tenor roars his passion, I think sadly of my spreading middle, and his.

You are the best thing that's ever been mine.