Comedy Quotes

Cool is the enemy of funny. You can't be cool and be funny at the same time. Only Eddie Murphy could do that.

I didn't know I was cool, but I was very flattered that some of the younger comedy writers came up to talk to me at the Emmys. I found that gratifying.

It is so cool to think that there are two female, Indian actresses on prime-time American network television who are considered attractive and funny and smart.

There's nothing less funny than someone who looks cool. There's nothing more unappealing.

My brothers were funny, and there was a lot of shtick and comedy and nastiness and violence and fighting and sports.

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.

I think 'Elf' is funny, with Will Ferrell. That's a great Christmas movie.

Our family's special holiday tradition is going over to my grandparent's house on Christmas morning. My grandma cooks a big breakfast, and I love hearing her tell old funny stories.

Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.

My mom and dad always tried to make Christmas special for us. We were poor, but it's funny because we had no idea.

I know my strong points: I work hard, I have talent, I'm funny, and I'm a good person.

One thing about D.C. that's funny to me is that you end up running into famous political figures who you've seen on television who you think are not real until you see them.

A talk show is about having a look at a famous face, a bit of stand-up comedy, knockabout stuff - an interview is what Barbara Walters or Connie Chung does in the States, in-depth, done properly.

It's funny how most people love the dead, once you're dead, you're made for life.

My whole life, growing up, I always wanted to be in comedy. I never felt comfortable doing the 'teen hunk' thing.

I was, like, this token teen angst child of Broadway. It's so funny. What is that? I don't even know. But I loved it.

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.

No, no, I was only funny on stage, really. I, I, think I was funny as a person toward my classmates when I was very young. You know, when I was a child, up to about the age of 12.

Morning Joe was boring. Scarborough is neither eloquent nor funny.

You have to be funny about it and honest about it. You can't leave yourself out of that mix. You have to be honest enough to say, I'm that messed-up one in the family.

Scotland needs comedy more than ever. With the independence debate, finally after 300 years, reaching room temperature.

Comedy is learning to be funny, and you learn to be funny in small rooms with young audiences.

The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.

The funny thing is, I'm so used to not caring what anyone says, good or bad, that unfortunately even when people say good things... I wish it made me feel good, but it doesn't.

'The Amazing Race' has always been the gold standard of reality television to me. It's smart, it's funny, and it's entertaining as hell.

I'm thankful enough or blessed enough to be able to say that Miles Davis was a friend when he was alive, and he was a wonderful mentor and really, really funny, you know.

My favorite type of pet has always been a dog. They're loyal, kind, and offer endless affection. My friend Eric says, 'The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.' Funny thought.

It sounds funny, but my biggest fear is that I'm not perfect. I'm a perfectionist, and I get upset when things go wrong or when I don't do well.

If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.

Lily Tomlin was one of the early comedy greats who influenced my courage to be the person I am.

I like bowling. I suck at it, but I like it. You know what's so funny? I have days when I'm absolutely great at doing it, and then I have days when I just don't understand it.

I'm usually always very happy and funny and positive. It's only when I'm tired that I get a little low energy.

I have kind of a funny relationship with movies. I don't have to see the whole movie to get an impression of it or to let it have an influence on me.

I love Jared Hess' movies. He's such a weirdo and such a nice, funny guy.

If I had to design a career for myself, I would have done comedy.

All I know how to do is take what's on my mind and spit it out funny. I don't know what else I could do besides comedy.

What's interesting about Laurel and Hardy is that in most comedy teams, there's a straight man, and then there's the funny guy. And with Laurel and Hardy, they're both the funny guy.

I've never gotten to do romantic comedy like most of the girls. Maybe because I'm fit, people assume that I'm not funny?

I do as much comedy as I possibly can, but I'm basically limited by the imagination of the secretaries who make the decisions.

I have some very personal feelings about politics, but I don't get into it because I do comedy already.

It's a no-win situation with politics it's always going to be stressful. I'm more into the comedy of life.

What I think is funny is when people, despite tragic situations, are still hopeful, still trying. It's sweet and sad - and, to me, hilarious.

I find Spike Jones' movies to be really very inventive and funny, but they're really sad and touching and really key into the different facets of the human experience.

I'm quite an odd little part of the Venn diagram. I'm not a movie star and beautiful in that way. I do an odd thing that's funny and sad, and my face and my old body can take that.

I don't sit down to write a funny story. Every single thing I sit down to write is meant to be sad.

Comedy helped me out in my teenage years. It saw me through puberty and helped me to deal with dating.

My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny.

I never saw anything funny in a car commercial - but that's OK. Whatever they wanted to do - it's their product and I'm the spokesperson, and I'm going to deliver.

My eyes are different sizes, my nose is too broad at the bridge and squishes up when I laugh, and my lips are sorta funny when I smile.

In terms of level of difficulty, it would go comedy, thriller, and then romantic drama.