My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

I was lost in the moments I decided to keep. To be awake in a dreamless sleep. And in that place between dream and sleep, I planted some more things I would like to keep.

When my father wrote about fate, I think he was writing about the reality that is, when there are so many other realities that could have been.

See the light in others, and treat them as if that is all you see.

When we trust God more than our feelings, it confuses the devil. I mean, when he throws you his best shot and he can't budge you from believing God, he won't know what to do with you anymore.

You have to be out there and have a mound presence. You have to be real aggressive and be real confident. You have to put the hitters on defense.

I wished my wife to be not so much as suspected.

The failure of the past philosophers is largely the failure to see the self-evident.

Once you open your eyes and start looking around you, you start picking up things that are very obvious.

I'm not going to get into a debate over the non-essentials. I won't try to change other denominations. Why be divisive?

This motion-picture muddle had distracted me from my writing.