I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

The more a man knows, the more willing he is to learn. The less a man knows, the more positive he is that he knows everything...

It is through hard work that time could be converted into greatness.

We want money but we crave appreciation.

I am not interested in whether you have stood with the great

I always fear that creation will expire before teatime.

All forms of violence, especially war, are totally unacceptable as means to settle disputes between and among nations, groups and persons.

Some of the media is fantastic, I have to say, they're honest and fantastic, but much of it is not.

There's no sauce for play like work.

I've started to kind of hate people, and it's not because I have anything against them. It's just, I enjoy it. It's recreation.

Failure isn't fatal unless you let it be.