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Ron White Quotes: "I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.




Ron White Quotes: "You can't fix stupid. There's not a pill you can take, or a class you can go to."

You can't fix stupid. There's not a pill you can take, or a class you can go to.




Ron White Quotes: "You can't fix stupid."

You can't fix stupid.



Ron White Quotes: "I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability."

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.




Ron White Quotes: "I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game."

I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.



Ron White Quotes: "I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots."

I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.



Ron White Quotes: "In Texas, we have the death penalty, and we use it. That's right. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back."

In Texas, we have the death penalty, and we use it. That's right. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back.




Ron White Quotes: "The next time you have a thought... let it go."

The next time you have a thought... let it go.



Ron White Quotes: "Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute!"

Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute!



Ron White Quotes: "I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn't care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there."

I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn't care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there.



Ron White Quotes: "When life hands you lemons make lemonade. Then find someone who's life gave them Tequila and have a party."

When life hands you lemons make lemonade. Then find someone who's life gave them Tequila and have a party.



Ron White Quotes: "When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range."

When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.




Ron White Quotes: "My only goal is to make you laugh, not tell you the truth."

My only goal is to make you laugh, not tell you the truth.



Ron White Quotes: "The bulk of my fans are my age, and I'm aging at the same rate they are. That makes me relevant. They like hearing what I have to say. I work hard at it, but it's addicting, really."

The bulk of my fans are my age, and I'm aging at the same rate they are. That makes me relevant. They like hearing what I have to say. I work hard at it, but it's addicting, really.



Ron White Quotes: "You can only do two things with your life: give it away or throw it away."

You can only do two things with your life: give it away or throw it away.



Ron White Quotes: "There are a million really good cigars, you gotta really float around cigars. It's not like being locked into a brand of cigarettes; at least to me it's not."

There are a million really good cigars, you gotta really float around cigars. It's not like being locked into a brand of cigarettes; at least to me it's not.



Ron White Quotes: "People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic."

People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.



Ron White Quotes: "We have hearing aids in order to fix our ears. We have lasik surgery in order to fix our eyes. People ... you can't fix stupid!"

We have hearing aids in order to fix our ears. We have lasik surgery in order to fix our eyes. People ... you can't fix stupid!



Ron White Quotes: "I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative. If you're a painter and someone stretches your canvas, it was collaborative on some level."

I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative. If you're a painter and someone stretches your canvas, it was collaborative on some level.



Ron White Quotes: "I don't even plan things until later, so no I got no plans."

I don't even plan things until later, so no I got no plans.



Ron White Quotes: "I'd rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part."

I'd rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part.



Ron White Quotes: "You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out."

You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.



Ron White Quotes: "They call me Tater Salad"

They call me Tater Salad



Ron White Quotes: "I'm a comedian, and I like to work on my live show, and if I'm doing television, I don't have time to work on my live show, and I can become a lame comic, and that sucks."

I'm a comedian, and I like to work on my live show, and if I'm doing television, I don't have time to work on my live show, and I can become a lame comic, and that sucks.



Ron White Quotes: "I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative."

I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative.



Ron White Quotes: "You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered."

You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered.



Ron White Quotes: "I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down there, I'm fine."

I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down there, I'm fine.



Ron White Quotes: "I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke every last one of 'em."

I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke every last one of 'em.



Ron White Quotes: "There have been times in my life that I've had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years."

There have been times in my life that I've had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.



Ron White Quotes: "There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between."

There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between.



Ron White Quotes: "You can't ride home on a bowl of goat."

You can't ride home on a bowl of goat.



Ron White Quotes: "I quit smoking cigarettes and with the $70 a month I am saving not smoking cigarettes I'm smoking $700 worth of cigars."

I quit smoking cigarettes and with the $70 a month I am saving not smoking cigarettes I'm smoking $700 worth of cigars.



Ron White Quotes: "I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers."

I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers.



Ron White Quotes: "Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane."

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.



Ron White Quotes: "I started selling out comedy clubs before I got to town with no advertising. I was selling out theaters just on the rumor that I was going to be there."

I started selling out comedy clubs before I got to town with no advertising. I was selling out theaters just on the rumor that I was going to be there.



Ron White Quotes: "I didn't get where I am today by worryin' about how I'd feel tomorrow."

I didn't get where I am today by worryin' about how I'd feel tomorrow.



Ron White Quotes: "I smoke really good cigars, I don't smoke Cuban cigars. I would never do anything as Un-American as smoke a decent cigar."

I smoke really good cigars, I don't smoke Cuban cigars. I would never do anything as Un-American as smoke a decent cigar.



Ron White Quotes: "Everybody I know is a joke writer."

Everybody I know is a joke writer.



Ron White Quotes: "My goal is just to become a better comedian."

My goal is just to become a better comedian.



Ron White Quotes: "If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it's being true to their nature... that's what takes a long time to learn."

If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it's being true to their nature... that's what takes a long time to learn.



Ron White Quotes: "If you kill someone in Texas, we'll kill ya back."

If you kill someone in Texas, we'll kill ya back.



Ron White Quotes: "Naw, man, I like big, hard, throbbing co- (stunned pause) ...I did not know that about myself."

Naw, man, I like big, hard, throbbing co- (stunned pause) ...I did not know that about myself.



Ron White Quotes: "Star Wars Episode Three (And One Quarter): Revenge Of The Hicks"

Star Wars Episode Three (And One Quarter): Revenge Of The Hicks



Ron White Quotes: "It's something that's really fun to do. It's a family business."

It's something that's really fun to do. It's a family business.



Ron White Quotes: "The hardest that I've laughed at a movie was probably Team America. I laughed 'til I thought I was just gonna throw up. I almost had to turn it off."

The hardest that I've laughed at a movie was probably Team America. I laughed 'til I thought I was just gonna throw up. I almost had to turn it off.



Ron White Quotes: "I don't have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I'm going to keep talking. I can't imagine a life without doing standup."

I don't have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I'm going to keep talking. I can't imagine a life without doing standup.



Ron White Quotes: "I'm definitely guilty of thinking something is funny but thinking the audience won't. Then three years later I will finally try it and it'll kill them. I got to give them more credit."

I'm definitely guilty of thinking something is funny but thinking the audience won't. Then three years later I will finally try it and it'll kill them. I got to give them more credit.



Ron White Quotes: "I don't do any corporate work."

I don't do any corporate work.



Ron White Quotes: "I was a huge fan of comedy when I was a child."

I was a huge fan of comedy when I was a child.